And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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