i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
