no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
