my mouth tastes like poor choices
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
