shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
