How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
