Porn is love you can see.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Randomize
