let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
