I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
