I met the friendliest cop last night
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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