Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
