mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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