he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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