I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Verdict: uncircumcised.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
