My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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