im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You made out with two different species that night
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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