weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
