I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
