i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
