The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sorry about my life...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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