Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
