bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
