i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
