Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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