how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
