Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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