You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
