I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
