i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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