I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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