I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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