girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
