I want to make a zoo with you.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
