So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
