i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
