Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.

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(619): View more from California

Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep

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(314): View more from Missouri

I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid

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(856): View more from New Jersey

are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?

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(865): View more from Tennessee

just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.

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(317): View more from Indiana

that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.

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(760): View more from California

So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided

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