In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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