dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
