Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
