Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
