i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
