She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
