Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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