just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
ttyl tear gas
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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