I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
