i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
