my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
