i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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