Grow some girl-balls and come out already
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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