This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
